Please read the news story at the link below and then write a well-developed paragraph about whether or not you think this article is well-written. Please be as specific as possible and provide plenty of details to back up your opinions.
http://hamptonroads.com/2008/08/troubled-football-standout-tries-one-last-chance
11 comments:
I just finished reading this article, and it wasn't a very well written piece. It had more than a few run-on sentences. It, also had fragmented sentences. There was major comma abuse as well. These are just a few things that I noticed while reading the article. The article itself was a great example of how not to write. And, not to mention the author works for the local newspaper. It seems ae if the author didn't take the time that was needed to produce a good product.
Robert Drew
Eng. 099
Dr. Hofheimer
18 August 2008
The story about Deveon Simmons is very eye opening. To see that he had a very promising future but the one mistake he made set him back 3 years. Even though I do not agree with a lot of what happened to him, I believe that he choose the path he took nobody made him go the way he went. He knew he had a chance, because he already signed with Virginia Tech, all he had to do was graduate from high school with somewhat good grades. Knowing that that was all he needed to do he still choose to get into the altercations. Both in the boys’ neighborhood and in the cafeteria at school even if they didn’t fight in school. All because of his pride, you can blame it not having a father or the mother wasn’t around but even if he had a father or the mom was around more I don’t think it would have made any difference. Only because of what the girlfriend had said, he was a hothead and you can only say but so much to him before he started to shut you out. So in my opinion all he had to was keep his head looking toward the future and not to let anyone bring him down he would be at Virginia Tech or playing in the NFL today.
Ericka Guzman
Eng.099
Dr. Hofeimer
8-20-08
This article was really expressive. It did contain a lot of mistakes but, other than that is was pretty good. They used a lot of describing words towards the beginning. Its very easy to just image what the character is doing in this article. The character seems angry and mad with the world but once you ready further into the article you actually see why Simmons is mad. One thing I noticed was that he never gave up even though people doubted his ability to succeed. There is nothing wrong with getting a second chance what you do with it is what counts. It was a really good thing that he left from that area. Simmons even got a second chance at what he loved to do the most, football. To me this article was well written other then the errors in this article they really explain a lot of the characters actions in what he did. They described tings so well I was able to draw a mental picture of what he looked liked. I enjoyed it, it was interesting.
The article was not very good. The idea behind the article was good but it look like it took the author took 5 minutes to write it. The author did not use conjunctions very well and also some of the commas were misplaced. He also did not use colons and commas very well. I think the author should go back and revise this article. It does have potential to be a great article, as the idea behind it is truly heartwarming.
In my opinion I think that the article was written pretty well. See some of the paragraphs where in slang term which sounds good to me but to the average person they might understand but it really wasn’t very professional .the person that wrote that story needed to convey the story in a more professional manner.
i have read the artical. I thought it was alright, and the artical did not really spike my intrest into it. The writer tried to use noisy sounds to try to get your attention in the beggining but i was still not really interested in the artical. If this man says he will never do drugs again and you give him another chance, will he do it again? dont know, depends how stong the human will is.
I think that this article was written very well. Its more of a tragic hero type of thing. You know, you have this high figure doing some couragteous things like playing really good football and then you have a flaw. So what if he's in a gang, the government is just mad because he didn't join the military.
eI have read the article, and the writter needs eng099. The story had run on sentences and bad grammer. The topic is very said but you have to pay for the life you live. Devon destroyed his chances at success in football; however he'll have the chance to redeem himself.
Drew Wilson
Eng 099
Dr. Hofheimen
Aug 25, 2008
Honestly I think it was pretty good for a news article, but it seemed like I was reading a biography. The writer describes him pretty well as to what Simmons has done in his life and somewhat appearance. He describes how he got expelled from Landstown and how he weighs and what he did in football. The writer also describes what school he is in and how he got there, and how he changed his life around. This is why I think this is a good well formed article.
Mickale Smallwood
Eng 099
Aug 20
A troubled football standout tries for one last chance
I have recently read an article about a football player named Deveon Simmons, who was a star football player who stayed on the wrong path of drugs and violence. The article was written in a dynamic writing style, but I have some complaints about it. Even though, Deveon was a hard-hitting football player. The article made him seem like an animal of some sort. Seem like the article, wanted him to stay the same in life. It’s also didn’t say anything about positive changes in his life.
Day 4 blog
Malcolm Dorsey
In my opinion, I think that this was a well written article explaining the struggle of a very good football player trying to get back on track after making many mistakes with drugs and alcohol. He should try to get back into the game. There is still time and I feel everyone should get a second chance. If hasn’t learned his lesson by now which this article states otherwise then I can see people being disappointed in him. The article really goes in to detail. It shows who was there at the incident, who could of stopped him and why he did it. With so many details to the main idea it help me understand the article a lot better.
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